tonight when i was walking from school there were lights dancing on the blue-grey clouds, they looked like angels and i still dont know where they were coming from. i remember Roo telling me about an art project he did when he filmed 2 hours of clouds going past the sky and at night projected it onto the dark sky. he told me it looked like someone had just opened a latch of the night sky and let day through.

yesterday i caught the bus home and the route took me past my doctors. i remember how much fun i had sitting or lying on the bench in Clare Park waiting for the surgery to open while i read Flowers in the Attic. and the half a mile i walked to the nearest shop for a lighter.

and it was fun i had on my own. like sunbathing or doing work in mote park while mothers walked their children or dog owners walked their dogs and if you were with someone and they had to warn you that a dog was coming up to you.

but winter just means that "free" fun isnt allowed, the easiness that comes with summer cant be found.

____________________________________________

i was in the bookshop the other day and i was drawn to the joke section- partly because there was a big rubber willy poking out of the centre of one of them.

as i was flicking through one book and man came up to me and mumbled something impressively non-sensical and then cleared his throat and told me:

"if you're looking for the meaning of life, it's here for �8.95"

i said "oh is it? thank you" span on my heal and walked out of the shop.

i found this wot i rote a while back, i still like it:

Piece by piece I pick the shards out.
So tiny and so painful
They hurt as much as they had when
He put them inside me
But stained they still gleam
Almost evil seeping through
Such a clear sparkle
Just like the sadistic shine in his smile
I grimace as one pricks my inside
Lodged like his memory

Is inside my mind now
I stop, holding a fragment in my fingers
And wonder how long before the scars fade
So deep inside here
So thick with hurt
They are my tears today
My welts tomorrow
Maybe next month
They will appear in my nightmares
And the little light from the moon
will reflect
Onto a haunting, cutting slither
That I have forgotten to remove
Here inside me
I am drowning
In a glass pond
That he filled with all his bitter lies
My head covered with the pillow
He used to silence my screams at night
And keep me blind by day
I weep silently
Alone, lost without the eyes that saw for me
Dumb without the voice that spoke for me
And independent of the evil that opressed me
Watching my hands grasp at the shards
Still seeping out
From Where one day
Our baby will lay.

<<|>>

--------- e v e r y t h i n g b u t t h e g i r l ---------

Reflection - 2008-07-19
sleep vs awake - 2008-07-19
It's like space cadet, but not. - 2006-06-22
Lucky Me - 2006-05-13
In memory - 2006-01-15