people who study the whole self-mutilation thing are a) working too hard and b)often concentrate way too much on the whole physical aspect.

if i hear "and it releases euphoric blah blah blah blah" one more time i will scream at the top of my lungs.

but last night i understood what they meant.

last night was cynical comedy.

i jabbed at my arm and sliced it like a merciless chef at a pig's carcass. well ok, not that much, but i dont normally do that whole "give a shit" about it, the blood FLOOOWWWWWWWED and it felt so good and calming just to watch it, and it was startling just how much i bled. but nice. until my mother burst into my room for the umpteenth time.

"show me your legs"

"show me your arms"

"why's it wet?"

"what's that blade doing there?"

"i thought i took all the blades out of your room"

she should be so lucky that i cleaned it.

i howled and screamed and cried and sobbed down the phone to Rob for which i am mildly embarassed for but not much b/c it's Rob and he understands me ;)

i'm so ill, lol, my throat is, i suppose, i'm just guessing here, red raw. if anyone is prone to crying fits/tantrums they'll know what i mean when i say it feels like i've been crying for a long time.

i got sent home today from school, genius, just after my lessons finished (i only had 2 lessons this morning)

i'm leaving Target Express. too many pikies, greasy, filthy drivers and just complete sad acts and oh, the management has no respect for you whatsoever, even when it is your sister and someone who's known you since you were 3.

bu dum bum

<<|>>

--------- e v e r y t h i n g b u t t h e g i r l ---------

Reflection - 2008-07-19
sleep vs awake - 2008-07-19
It's like space cadet, but not. - 2006-06-22
Lucky Me - 2006-05-13
In memory - 2006-01-15