"The first time i saw you i knew it would never last
I'm not half what i wish i was
I'm so angry
I don't think it'll ever pass
And i was bad news for you just because
I never meant to hurt you"

and i don't help myself.

i mean, i managed to live through the whole of 2000 like this - maybe only because i didn't see anything wrong with it and i thought i was like, so cool- but i can't do it anymore.

i fit 5 hours of work into 3 and then do other people's work, i sleep 10 hours at a time and am still too tired to smile.

i sit up in bed feeling sorry for myself, wondering how i can get out of this hole, know that the only way to get out is for me to buck the fuck up.

i don't have energy to do anything. i scare myself b/c i've become this boring bland STALE fucking lifeform that....cries.

and i don't cry. i'm not built for it. i shouldn't cry but the tears just sit on my eyes and slide down my cheeks. over nothing.

and i don't help myself b/c i'm listening to Elliott Smith be bitter and sad at his best and... man...

right now feels like shit.

my mother hates me for it.

sometimes i wish i'd just disappear and never come back.

be less trouble for everyone.

my make up has spoiled.

<<|>>

--------- e v e r y t h i n g b u t t h e g i r l ---------

Reflection - 2008-07-19
sleep vs awake - 2008-07-19
It's like space cadet, but not. - 2006-06-22
Lucky Me - 2006-05-13
In memory - 2006-01-15