I've never been "just a normal girl" I've always been "the fat girl"- that's not a "oh, poor me, love me, love me" statement, it's just a fact. Since I was... say... 6 or 7? I've been the fat kid, everyone school has one, I was my primary school's, my secondary school's (among a few other fellow fat kids) and I was my sixth form's.

It's not that I ever got painfully teased about being fat, because I didn't, I'm a nice girl, but I was made aware of it. What I wasn't properly made aware of was how to fix it. You know, how diets are made taboo and shit, my mother made excuses, she made excuses maybe because she didn't want to come to terms with it herself (to this day I flinch when I see kids having crisps and chocolate and burgers and Coke shoved in their little pre-adolescent mouths). I don't care. I didn't have a normal childhood because I was fat. And I don't believe fat children have regular childhoods- compared to normal size children. I climbed trees, I rode my bike, I rollerbladed, I went on "adventures" I did everything that all my normal, skinny friends did. I had boyfriends, I got invited round for tea, I had birthday parties. But no matter how much of me was normal to that point, I was still the fat kid.

When I was a little girl, I used to pray to God that I would wake up and all would be well and that I'd be this pretty, skinny little girl. Guess what? It never happened. Also, as it happens, I prayed to God that my uncle wouldn't die and that he'd get better. Guess what? That never happened. Eventually, after these great let downs, I kept my prayers to myself.

So... Now I'm considered an adult, and there's no use crying over spilt milk... a "lost" childhood, whatever. The best start I can give myself is a healthy one.

All I want to be is considered a normal girl, woman, whatever. If I bump into someone in a store I don't wanna let them be able to say "fat cow" I'd rather them say "cow" I'm so bored with this fat bullshit.

I'm so bored with plus sizes.

I'm so bored of having jokes made about me behind my back, or in front of me as if I hadn't noticed- you assholes.

I don't wanna be stunning, I don't wanna look like a porn star or a super model, I just wanna be a normal girl.

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

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--------- e v e r y t h i n g b u t t h e g i r l ---------

Reflection - 2008-07-19
sleep vs awake - 2008-07-19
It's like space cadet, but not. - 2006-06-22
Lucky Me - 2006-05-13
In memory - 2006-01-15