Secretly I have been crying for days. Over and over and over, secretly my eyes are blood red from the salt and I can't help but choke on the wash of my own tears flowing back down my throat. Secretly, I have used boxes and boxes of Kleenex tissues. I have listened to hours of music where I can feel the emotions of the singer and the singer is crying in the songs too. I have smoked one thousand cigarettes and felt my lungs blacken with each and every one, secretly, though.

Outwardly I have been washing back headache tablets, fighting the twitch my mouth has before I smile, or grimace... Obsessing over my weight, writing to-do lists, coming to stark conclusions and falling into trances where all sound is muted and taking all my frustration out on the nearest person.

I chew my wrists when I cry.

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--------- e v e r y t h i n g b u t t h e g i r l ---------

Reflection - 2008-07-19
sleep vs awake - 2008-07-19
It's like space cadet, but not. - 2006-06-22
Lucky Me - 2006-05-13
In memory - 2006-01-15